Wow, what a terrible weekend I would have had if I’d put up picks.  I’m allowing you, Constant Reader, to ridicule me because I would have been 0-4.  This was my worse weekend ever.  Unlike those goddamn Jets…actually, I hate to admit it but I like Rex Ryan.  Only a man that egocentric could coach and succeed in New York.  Unless you pick your nose like Joe Torre.

Speaking of the Jets, they absolutely demolished the Bengals.  I don’t think Cincinnati even showed up for this game.  The score makes the game look much closer than it was.  Mark Sanchez looked like a grizzled veteran instead of a rookie in his first playoff game and Shonn Greene ran like a man possessed.  Their defense came to play and kept the highly rated Bengals offense quiet all game.  Carson Palmer looked uncomfortable all game and even Cedric Benson, the single highlight of the game for Cincinnati, couldn’t keep them in the game.  And don’t get me going on started on the two missed field goals in the second half for the Bengals…not the first time in the weekend that a “franchised” kicker choked.

Then in the second game of Saturday, the Eagles forgot to fly to Dallas.  Only Michael Vick looked good passing the ball but couldn’t remember how to make a simple handoff.  Donovan McNabb was helpless in the backfield all game and couldn’t get anything going with the Boys D in his face all day.  Dallas came to play on defense and just pushed the Eagles around.  Tony Romo finally shook the ghosts of yesteryear and joined the ranks of Cowboy QBs that have won playoff games.  Good luck this weekend in Minnesota, Tony.

I tried to shake my two poor picks on Saturday and be positive on Sunday.  I had my boys, the Pats, over the Ravens on Sunday and I thought for sure the Cards wouldn’t show up again.  Boy, was I an idiot.

The Ravens set the tone on their very first possession.  Ray Rice scored on a 83 yard rumble that put Baltimore on top for good.  The entire Pats team looked out of sync on defense and offense.  No one could get anything done except for Julian Endelmann and Kevin Faulk.  They both played well and tried to keep it close but they couldn’t halt the passage of time.  This team isn’t the dynasty…we’re past that, at least in the short term.  But we have the building blocks for that to come back.  And I have this to say to the many Brady haters out there, HE HAS THREE BROKEN RIBS, BROKEN FINGER ON THE THROWING HAND, AND AN INJURED THROWING SHOULDER! As I’ve said before on this blog, his injuries have been ignored by the media.  I’m amazed he’s played all the games he has.  Most QBs would be on the sideline nursing their wounds.  After Sunday, I’m not sure I would disagree with them but I think people to need to be aware of the physical limitations that Brady has been fighting through all season.  The Pats were a team without an identity all season and Sunday showed their flaws in glaring relief.  They will be back next season.

Lastly, the late game on Sunday was entertaining to say the least.  Could we have seen a more ludicrous game on the part of the Packers? Dom Capers got so much credit at the end of the season for his defense schemes and Aaron Rodgers and the offense were playing second fiddle.  Watching them play on Sunday made me realize why the Pack was happy to let Brett Favre go.  Rodgers lead that team back into the game after the Cards tried to steal the show early.  That game was a 21st century shoot out…lots of throwing and no defense.

I wrote the Packers off the moment they failed to even attempt for points after Neil Rackers missed field goal.  They had nine seconds and two timeouts on their 44 yard line and they just kneeled it down.  To not go for a pass play down the sideline to try to kick a field goal was a terrible decision.  The Cards hadn’t been able to stop Green Bay since the first quarter and Aaron Rodgers had been shredding their defense with long passes all game.  Also, they hadn’t been able to stop the Cards all game so throwing their oppurtunity to win to chance was stupid…absolutely stupid.

The fact that it ended on a defense play makes this an even more ironic collapse for the Packers.  I bellowed “Game Over” when they knelt it down and stuck with my guns even when they won the toss and future Miss Jake belittled me for my pessimism.  However, this was one of the best football games of this young century and shame on you who shut it off early.

I cannot wait for this weekend’s matchups.  On Saturday we got Arizona at New Orleans early and then Baltimore at Indianapolis in the late game.  Sunday, we get to watch Dallas at Minnesota early and then the Jets at San Diego.  It will be a great weekend of playoff matchups…check back here Saturday morning for my picks on this weekend.

After just one week of picks, I have a winning record of 11-4.  My upset pick didn’t work out while other upsets were what hurt me.  The Chefs and the Raiders stunned me and pretty much all the “professional” analysts with thrilling victories.  The Texans disappointed me with a poor game against the rejuvenated Titans with Vince Young winning the game with his feet and bland passing attack.

I’m doing this week’s picks earlier because of Turkey Day and the three games that will be played during the gorge fest.  I don’t mind thumbing my nose at the NFL Network and its one game but to ignore three separate games would be irresponsible for this hard nosed and hard working blogger.

Green Bay at Detroit

Even after the thrilling victory and Matthew Stafford’s heroism, the Packers won’t let this divisional rival beat them.  The Packers have owned the Lions for quite a long time and I don’t see that changing on Thanksgiving.  Winner: Green Bay

Oakland at Dallas

Ugh, another crappy game on Thanksgiving.  America’s Team played like shit against the Redskins and the Raiders are still a 3-7 football team that surprised the Bengals in sunny California.  Romo always chokes in big games, but this is at home for the Big D and I just don’t think the Raiders have two upsets in a row in them.  Dallas in another ugly win.  Winner: Dallas

NY Giants at Denver

Wow…three games that promise to be putting people to sleep more than the turkey consumed during the day.  Denver looks like they’re suffering from oxygen deprivation and the Giants are barely getting by on a ventilator.  The vaunted G-Men defense is terrible right now, but Denver’s anemic offense won’t be able to take advantage of it.  Winner: NY Giants

Tampa Bay at Atlanta

Atlanta is coming off a tough loss to the G-Men while Tampa Bay didn’t show up last week against the Saints.  The Bucs are just 1-9 and are a football team in disarray.  They are clearly in a rebuilding mode using Josh Freeman as their starting QB.  Best of luck to the Bucs, but Atlanta is a much more talented team and will stomp all over them.  Winner: Atlanta

Miami at Buffalo

The Marine Mammals travel to upstate New York to face the Bills who, without Chip Chip Dick Jauron, kicked five FGs last week against the Jacksonville Jaguars in a heartbreaking loss.  They did play better than they have almost all season, but Miami is just too explosive.  Ricky Williams will embarrass the Bills and the Marine Mammals will win in an easy one.  Winner: Miami

Cleveland at Cincinnati

The Browns played a heck of a game against the Lions last weekend, but lost in the last second.  The Bengals got embarrassed in Oakland by a resurgent Raiders team.  The game is in Cincy and it’s a division game.  The Bengals will come out angry and raring for a brawl.  I pity the Browns and the Dog Pound will be forced to watch another loss for their team.  Winner: Cincinnati

Seattle at St. Louis

Ewww….ugly game alert! This one will be a sloppy game with lots of 3 and outs.  However, Stephen Jackson will put the Rams on his back and carry them to a win.  Winner: St. Louis

Carolina at NY Jets

The Panthers are a pass happy team with a mediocre QB and a great running game.  Their coaching staff keeps calling passes even though Jake Delhomme throws INTs as if he’s being paid per INT.  The Jets are on a slide with their rookie QB, Mark Sanchez, playing poorly.  However, the game is in the Meadowlands and the J-E-T-S fans have been particularly rabid this season.  I think the Jets will win in a tight one.  Winner: NY Jets

Washington at Philadelphia

The Redskins are a terrible team.  Dan Synder is a horrible owner and Jim Zorn is a pitiful excuse for a coach.  The Eagles are one back from the Cowboys in their division and need a win within the division.  Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid will beat up on the Redskins on offense and the Eagles defense will punch the Skins in the mouth.  Winner: Philadelphia

Indianapolis at Houston

The Colts escaped from the Ravens last week and Houston was embarrassed by the Flaming Thumbtacks on Monday Night Football.  The Colts have won their last four games by less than four points, including one win by three over the Texans.  They have won two many close ones to get away with another one.  Again, my upset pick is the Colts’ opponent.  Winner: Houston

Kansas City at San Diego

The Chargers are on a winning streak as are the Chefs.  However, the Chefs are on a one game streak and it comes courtesy of a Steelers team, which continues to play down to their opponents.  The Chargers are kicking butt in their division and KC won’t change that.  Winner: Chargers

Jacksonville at San Francisco

The Jags are at 6-4 in the AFC South and the 49ers are at 4-6 in the much weaker NFC West.  Both teams are marginal but I’m going with the Crabtree Curse.  Since the Niners capitulated to his demands, they are 1-5.  That slide will continue while Maurice Jones-Drew rumbles all over the Niners’ D.  Winner: Jacksonville

Chicago at Minnesota

The young, overrated, whiny bitch QB against the old, overrated, flip-flopping QB? I’ll take the old guy.  Jay Cutler stinks, has always stunk, has no ability to win in big games and this is a HUGE game for the Bears.  They are playing terrible football and the Vikes are playing the best football in the NFL right now.  Favre is even in the discussion of MVP (please god no).  Vikes in a blowout.  Winner: Minnesota

Arizona at Tennessee

The Cardinals play in the weakest division in all of football and are probably the streakiest team in the NFL.  The Flaming Thumbtacks are a resurgent team with the benching of Kerry Collins and starting their prodigal son, Vince Young.  They are 4-0 with Young as their starting QB.  I think Young and Chris Johnson will run all over the Cardinals and the Cards’ offense will stall, especially if Kurt Warner doesn’t play.  Winner: Tennessee

Pittsburgh at Baltimore

This is a huge game for both teams.  The Steelers are coming off an embarrassing loss to the Chefs and the Ravens gave away a win to the Colts.  Both teams need to win to keep pace with the Bengals.  If the Ravens lose, they will be all but eliminated from playoff contention.  The Steelers are hoping that Ben Rothlisberger is healthy and able to play on Sunday after his head injury.  I’m picking the Steelers in a close game that Ray Lewis will cry after.  Winner: Pittsburgh

New England at New Orleans

This is the marquee match up of the week.  The Saints are undefeated, for those of you living under a rock, and the Pats are 7-3, but are on a hot streak.  The Pats gave up a win to the Colts, but have looked great last week against their division rivals, the Jets.  The Saints have looked marginal in a couple of their recent games.  This promises to be a shoot out with both offenses having huge games.  I’m going to be a home town fan and pick the Pats to win in a thriller on Monday Night Football.  Winner: New England

As I’ve said before, I love football.  So I’ve decided to make picks each week and share them with you, my loyal readers.  I’m just going to pick the winner…no spreads, points or any of that Vegas bull.  Just straight up winner/loser.  Since the NFL, in all their wisdom, is doing a game on Thursday now, on a channel I can’t get (Damn you Time Warner), you won’t be getting my pick for that game.  So sorry.

Washington at Dallas

God, this could be a really awful game.  Dallas has just looked mediocre this year and the Skins…egad, they are terrible.  Dallas will win this but it won’t be pretty.  Winner: The Big D

Cleveland at Detroit

Speaking of an awful game…two teams that are a combined 2-16 face off in the Motor City.  I don’t even want to think about this game.  The Craptastic Contest will be an ugly affair with Detriot coming out victorious at home.  Winner: Whomever Doesn’t Watch This Game (Detroit)

San Fransisco at Green Bay

Two teams that are at best medicore.  The Packers can’t keep Aaron Rodgers upright and the 49ers can’t figure out how to win consistently.  Vernon Davis is a dangerous threat for the 49ers and Michael Crabtree looks like he might be getting on the same page with Alex Smith.  But the game is in Green Bay, the cheese-heads are hungry for some wins and I think Rodgers gets it done at Lambeau.  Winner: Green Bay

Pittsburgh at Kansas City

Kansas City is screwed.  The Steelers need to win to stay in the playoff chase and the Chiefs are terrible.  Easy win for the Steelers.  Winner: Pittsburgh

Atlanta at NY Giants

Both teams are both at 5-4.  The Falcons are quickly falling out of playoff contention but the Giants are only one game back of the NFC East leading Cwboys so they need a win bad to stay within striking distance of the boys.  It’s in NY and I think Eli and company will get it done against an overmatched Falcons team.  Winner: NY Giants

New Orleans at Tampa Bay

The Saints are undefeated and that won’t end this week.  Tampa Bay is inept on both sides of the ball and just plain stinks in every way.  The Saints in a blowout.  Winner: New Orleans

Buffalo at Jacksonville

This is a tough game to pick.  Both teams are medicore at best with Jacksonville having a bit of an edge there.  The Bills fired Dick Jauron this week so they are playing for an interim coach.  Will this help or hurt them? I think it can only help but not this week.  Jags will win in an ugly game.  Winner: Jacksonville

Indianapolis at Baltimore

Well Peyton Manning has been unstoppable this year and after last week, the defense will be fired up.  But Ray Lewis and the Ravens smell blood in the water.  No defense is as good as the Ravens as feeding on a weakness, whether it is real or percieved.  I don’t want to see the Colts go undefeated for the season and except for a visit to the Jets later in the season, they have a pretty easy schedule coming up.  So in a huge upset, I’m picking the Ravens.  Winner: Baltimore

Seattle at Minnesota

The Vikings are unreal.  Adrian Peterson and Brett Favre have the offense playing at an extremely high level and their defense is scary with lots of different looks.  They keep the opposing team guessing on every play on both sides of the ball.  Then there’s Seattle at 3-6.  Not a good team…very dysfunctional and not able to keep momentum on either side of the ball.  Easy win for the Vikes.  WInner: Minnesota

Arizona at St. Louis

The Cards are a team of two faces.  One week, they look like a well-oiled machine and the next week, they look like the Lions of 2008.  St. Louis, on the other hand, look like the Lions every week but with one potent weapon.  Stephen Jackson is the best player, along with Chris Johnson, that no one talks about.  He can do it all.  But Kurt Warner won’t want to lose to the Rams, the team that sent him packing.  The Cards will win this one but Jackson will put on a hell of a show.  Winner: Arizona

NY Jets at New England

Rex Ryan is a buffon, his defense has shown huge cracks recently, and Mark Sanchez is no longer the promised child.  New England lost a heart breaker, Bill Belichick has been kicking his own ass all week, and the Jets are popping off about beating the Pats for the second time this year.  Anyone have any doubt what will happen? New England will kick the stuffing out of the J-E-T-S.  Winner: New England

Cincinnati at Oakland

Raiders…what can I say? Al Davis needs to die/retire/be assassinated for the Raiders to come back to prominence.   They are terrible with a horrible QB and a defense that looks like it gets stoned before every game.  The Bengals, on the other hand, are on a roll.  They are so unlike the Bengals of recent years that it’s like they went to a different city.  Everyone is on the same page and clicking on all cylinders.  Bengals in a rout.  Winner: Cincinnati

San Diego at Denver

The Broncos have started their yearly slide much earlier than usual.  I’m not sure that Josh McDaniels can turn it around or not.  Kyle Orton has looked terrible in the last couple weeks and their defense has looked shaky.  The Chargers are doing exactly that.  They have played tremendous football recently and Denver won’t have a chance.  Winner: San Diego

Philadelphia at Chicago

The Eagles and the Bears have been streaky this year.  Jay Cutler is finally proving my argument that he is possibly the most overrated QB in the entire NFL.  He cracks under pressure and really doesn’t know how to protect the football. Donovan McNabb and company need a win to keep breathing down the necks of the Giants and the Cowboys.  I think their defense will confound and confuse Cutler and McNabb will have a stand out game.  Winner: Philadelphia

Tennessee at Houston

The Titans are terrible and Houston is a team that never gets talked about but are much better than they are percieved and their record indicates.  They’ve lost a few close games that could have gone either way.  Chris Johnson of the Titans will show the MNF viewers what an electric player he is but the Texans will have a balanced attack on offense and will contain Vince Young with a stout defense.  Winner: Houston

I love football…be it high school, college, or professional, I love football.  Baseball may be America’s pastime, but football is our sports crack.  No other sport fires up sports fans as consistently as football.  It’s one game a week so it’s easy to watch and catch A LOT of games, which I do…every weekend.  It’s the perfect antidote for an hangover, too.

Anyway, here are some thoughts that I’ve been saving up about this season:

Rankings in College Football

Why, oh why, do we have preseason rankings? Christ, these teams haven’t even gotten on the field in a game and we’re ranking them? Rankings shouldn’t even exist until teams have played a couple of games.  Look at this year with the yo-yo seasons of Notre Dame, Florida State, and Miami.  At the beginning of the season they were all ranked very high after a few good looking victories.  Then they began the slow slide into sucktitude.  Wait until 5 or 6 games have been played and then assign your first rankings.  While on the topic of too early…

Pro Bowl Nominations

They start in Week 6!! Seriously? The season isn’t even half way over and we’re selecting pro bowlers!?!? Why don’t we give the Presidency to whomever has the most votes in the NH primary? Because we don’t know SHIT about the candidates yet! Also, why are fans allowed to vote for the Pro Bowl? Big market teams already have enough advantages so why should marginal players from large market teams get to showcase their ‘ehh’ abilities when legitimate stars languish in their off season homes wishing they could be playing in the warmth and sun.

Announcers

Just let us watch the game.  We don’t need you pointing out every single thing about a play.  I have eyes… I SAW when the receiver dropped the ball, the running back fumbled, or the defensive end came off the blind side and sacked the quarterback.  Give us insight but don’t treat us like we’re dumb… football isn’t complicated, we get it.

FOX

Stop showing me Dallas Cowboys game with Troy Aikman and Joe Buck… for the love of everything holy, please just stop.  Also get rid of that stupid robot… it can’t dance.

Replays on any networks

Make sure the offense isn’t running no huddle so I miss the snap and the play while you’re showing me some doofus making some stupid arm curl or fake lassoing technique to celebrate a tackle.  Speaking of which…

Celebrations

Let them happen when something noteworthy occurred  Throw the flag on the goofballs celebrating a tackle or a batted down ball.  That’s just ridiculous.  But an INT, TD, sack, fumble recovery, or FG is the time for a little celebration.

Injuries

Don’t show replays of injuries…please don’t.  I understand it’s a violent sport but I don’t need to see in slow motion a man’s knee getting blown out time and time and time again.  Just cut to commercial until the player is off the field… let him keep his dignity and save me from having to clean up the nachos that came back up.

Brett Favre

I was wrong… I’m sorry.

Peyton Manning

I can’t hate you anymore.  You are no longer a choke artist.  You are the greatest QB I’ve had to opportunity to watch.  But the Pats will still kick your ass in the playoffs.

Bill Belichick

Bring back the hoodie.  That’s where the genius is.

April has arrived with a bang and with it has brought back to life in cities across the US, our National Pastime, baseball.  Baseball hearkens the beginning of spring throughout the entire USA, especially here in the Northeast where we’ve been buried up to the windows with snow since last October.  The baseball diamond is a wonderful sight for us snow bound eskimos.

As much as I love the smell of roasted peanuts and warm beer at the ball park, or the crack of a well hit ball, or the perfectly manicured green pastures of an well groomed outfield, I could do without the endless coverage of baseball.  It’s a 162 game schedule but already after two games, the New York press is crucifying every member of the Yankees, from the poor bat boys to Mr. Evil himself, George Steinbrenner.  After two losses, the headline in the New York Post is “FOR SECOND TIME, BIG-BUCKS LINEUP FOR THE BIRDS”.  Two games people…out of 162.

Baseball is a paced game, both indivudal games as well as the entire season.  It’s a sport to watch with an intent to relax and enjoy yourself.  It has moments of excitement and exhilaration but it is a sport that is perfect for sitting in the sun, sipping a cold brew, devouring a box of peanuts, and just allowing the game to flow around you.  So media please shut up with the minutiae…it’s baseball, just relax and enjoy our greatest game.

I love football.  I try to watch every Pats game and I try not to miss a lot of the other games on Sunday.  Football is like crack for me.

That being said, here is Bill Simmons’ power rankings from last week.  If you don’t know who Bill Simmons is…read this and then go to his page on ESPN…hands down, the funniest guy in sports reporting today…period.  His articles are always great to read for three reasons.  1) Knows a shit ton about sports.  2)Has an incredible range of pop culture knowledge.  3)Weaves these two things together like Mozart.  It’s beautiful.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/081107