Haters and Gushers
January 29th, 2010by jim
@badorg NO Camera big deal? YES big deal … Imagine video chatting off it on the go!
That’s what I was staring at when I checked my Twitter feed yesterday afternoon.
Let me give you a quick backstory: A few days ago, Apple announced the new ‘iPad’, their tablet-PC which looks like an iPod Touch, if the Touch were Barry Bonds in 1988 and the iPad were Barry Bonds right this second.
I’ve found that in the tech world that there are either Haters or Gushers. Haters are self-explanatory; you know what a Hater is. I bet, even as you’re reading this, you’re probably within slapping distance of a Hater.
I know I am.
Either way, Gushers are the exact opposite of Haters: They love everything about a certain subject. If I were to put it on a hierarchical scale, it would look like this: Fans, Enthusiasts, Fanboys, Fetishists, Geeks and then Gushers.
You can’t talk to either party without a truckload of bias coming out of their mouths about any given topic they’re passionate about. They have zero credibility and are usually apt to dismiss or accept anything they hear, read or see that affirms their own pre-conditioned beliefs.
How this relates to the anus in the above mentioned Tweet:
This guy, and seemingly a third of the population on Twitter (porn bots excluded) are hardcore Apple Haters. They cannot be pleased by anything Apple Computers CEO Steve Jobs does, including if Mr. Jobs dropped by their homes and painted their kitchens.
I originally Tweeted something about the iPad to the effect of “Who cares if it doesn’t have a camera, will it run 3rd party browsers (Chrome, Firefox, etc)” which I still think is a valid question (it won’t as of now). I don’t mind using Safari but I like Chrome better.
This dude was wrapped up on a fucking camera.
Before I absolutely crush this guy’s opinion, let me point out some specs on the iPad in case you haven’t yet seen them: It’s like ten inches long, five or six wide. It’s a half inch thick. It weighs just over a pound. Why on Earth would you put a camera on something shaped like that?
Obviously, from his tweet, he wants “sweet video conferencing” which I think is creepy craigslist speak for sexual webcam action. Seriously, go check this dude out if you have a Twitter account (@jodykinser) and look at who he follows, who he sends messages @ and his homepage (hint, it’s a myspace page). All signs point to one thing:
Gross dude who touches himself in public places. Confirmed.
So, the sheer size of the thing alone kinda excludes it from having a camera. It’d be like hoisting one of those digital frames you got your mom for Mother’s Day that one year and using that to snap pictures or … video conference with.
Because I want your Skype session with your therapist to be a part of my bus commute home every day….
And on top of that, dude, EVERYTHING electronic now-a-days has a fucking camera attached to it. Since 9/11 there’s a camera on EVERYTHING. I can’t take a shit at the mall without it being on CCTV. I’m actually kinda warm and fuzzy that the iPad DOESN’T have a damn camera on it. Jesus.
There’s been a bunch of other trash talking too from the Haters: It doesn’t support Flash (a web tool used to look at certain web pages), it doesn’t do this, it looks like that, blah blah blah.
Flash, from what I understand, takes up a lot of CPU to run. It’s a ten inch touch screen computer for under 900 dollars, SORRY!
Even worse though are the fucking Gushers, these people who bow down and worship the dick and balls of Steve Jobs whenever he leans over and farts out another iPod.
Listen carefully, I’m an Apple fanboy, admittedly. I own shares of their stock (almost double in digits…) and if you were to walk around my wife and I’s apartment, you’d be bombarded with Apple products: iPods, iPhones, iMacs, MacBooks, … there’s a portrait of Steve Jobs shagging fly balls for Jesus in my study (joke, but if someone did have something like that… lemme know…). Yeah we’re fans because I dig the products and philosophy of the company since Mr. Jobs took it back over at the beginning of the century. And you know what, as of right now, I’m on Team iPad, despite its ridiculous, menstruation-image-conjuring name.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t keep a skeptical mind about new products either. When Snow Leopard (basically an upgrade for the Mac X OS) was released I read all the product info out there. I listened to what all the pros had to say. From there, I made my decision to upgrade based off of that information and the fact that our computers are less than a year old and should be running on the latest software.
I didn’t go out and pre-order the fucking software, like some people did. People who blindly follow what they’re told from their personal god, Steve Jobs.
Hey, remember LISA? What about that ancient Palm Pilot-looking thing? How about that hockey puck mouse? Apple can put some stinkers out there, believe me (iTunes 9?).
The iPad isn’t the greatest thing out there, nor does it suck. Bottom line, it won’t be released for like, 90 something days, so no one (unless you’re a tester and got a BETA version of the product) has a fucking clue on how it really works. In less words: shut the fuck up already! You. Don’t. Know.
You don’t.
Maybe putting a camera on it would make the thing twice as expensive and not work nearly as well. Maybe not putting a camera on it will be a negative selling point, no one knows for sure. We just have to wait for all the cool kids to camp out in line for three days before it’s released and have them tell us all about it once it’s in their grubby, pasty, dirt-under-fingernail hands.
Until then, calm down.
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