I love football…be it high school, college, or professional, I love football.  Baseball may be America’s pastime, but football is our sports crack.  No other sport fires up sports fans as consistently as football.  It’s one game a week so it’s easy to watch and catch A LOT of games, which I do…every weekend.  It’s the perfect antidote for an hangover, too.

Anyway, here are some thoughts that I’ve been saving up about this season:

Rankings in College Football

Why, oh why, do we have preseason rankings? Christ, these teams haven’t even gotten on the field in a game and we’re ranking them? Rankings shouldn’t even exist until teams have played a couple of games.  Look at this year with the yo-yo seasons of Notre Dame, Florida State, and Miami.  At the beginning of the season they were all ranked very high after a few good looking victories.  Then they began the slow slide into sucktitude.  Wait until 5 or 6 games have been played and then assign your first rankings.  While on the topic of too early…

Pro Bowl Nominations

They start in Week 6!! Seriously? The season isn’t even half way over and we’re selecting pro bowlers!?!? Why don’t we give the Presidency to whomever has the most votes in the NH primary? Because we don’t know SHIT about the candidates yet! Also, why are fans allowed to vote for the Pro Bowl? Big market teams already have enough advantages so why should marginal players from large market teams get to showcase their ‘ehh’ abilities when legitimate stars languish in their off season homes wishing they could be playing in the warmth and sun.

Announcers

Just let us watch the game.  We don’t need you pointing out every single thing about a play.  I have eyes… I SAW when the receiver dropped the ball, the running back fumbled, or the defensive end came off the blind side and sacked the quarterback.  Give us insight but don’t treat us like we’re dumb… football isn’t complicated, we get it.

FOX

Stop showing me Dallas Cowboys game with Troy Aikman and Joe Buck… for the love of everything holy, please just stop.  Also get rid of that stupid robot… it can’t dance.

Replays on any networks

Make sure the offense isn’t running no huddle so I miss the snap and the play while you’re showing me some doofus making some stupid arm curl or fake lassoing technique to celebrate a tackle.  Speaking of which…

Celebrations

Let them happen when something noteworthy occurred  Throw the flag on the goofballs celebrating a tackle or a batted down ball.  That’s just ridiculous.  But an INT, TD, sack, fumble recovery, or FG is the time for a little celebration.

Injuries

Don’t show replays of injuries…please don’t.  I understand it’s a violent sport but I don’t need to see in slow motion a man’s knee getting blown out time and time and time again.  Just cut to commercial until the player is off the field… let him keep his dignity and save me from having to clean up the nachos that came back up.

Brett Favre

I was wrong… I’m sorry.

Peyton Manning

I can’t hate you anymore.  You are no longer a choke artist.  You are the greatest QB I’ve had to opportunity to watch.  But the Pats will still kick your ass in the playoffs.

Bill Belichick

Bring back the hoodie.  That’s where the genius is.