This weekend, in search of adventure and excitement, the lovely wife and I attended a yearly party held by our good friends, the Tinsley clan, in the small village of Martinsville, ME.  Here’s Mville on a map for those of you curious Georges out there.  The Tinsley hold this gathering yearly in remembrance of the eldest sister and her husband’s bachelorette/bachelor weekend.  As this was our first trip to this weekend of debauchery, I didn’t know what to expect but I had a thought as they call it Meat and Potato Cannons.

Pretty self explanatory actually.

So what is a potato cannon you ask? An amazing device used for explosive fun and games that can be operated safely by a semi-intelligent chimp or a slightly intoxicated human.  I tried to find a good schematic for one but this picture to the right is a bad ass shot and gives you a better idea of the joy behind wielding one of these WMDs.  They either use air pressure or combustion of a gaseous fuel (our preferred method), to launch projectiles at high speeds.

So I knew what we were getting into on the destruction front and I assumed the meat part meant that I would be devouring many delicious carnivore delights.  I knew that there were barbecued ribs on the menu as well as assorted sausages, hot dogs, and other delightful processed meat.  Chicken was added as a late minute menu alteration for the vegetarians.

The third element, the unnamed but obviously large part of the party was booze.  I knew that all the Tinsleys enjoy a frosty, adult beverage but wasn’t sure what to expect.  I shouldn’t have worried.  I received this picture of James Tinsley, the middle child of the clan and the closest to me in age.  As you can see, this is a fairly extensive array of alcohol without any additional reinforcements from guests.  And the wine boxes were filled with liquor, not wine as I found out upon my arrival.

So with all this information at our disposal, my wife and I still decided to attend.  And boy what a time we had!

We arrived with our alcohol contribution in the mid afternoon.  Beer die had already commenced and the brews were flowing freely.  A large array of beers, wine, and liquor was at our disposal.  I decided to start easy with a few Brooklyn lagers, followed by a sampling of the fine beers brewed by the canheads at Butternuts.  During this, my wife and I were introduced around and we invited ourselves into a number of conversations with the more shy members of the party.  Soon, my lovely spouse was involved in beer die games and I was attempting to finagle my way into destroying some spuds.

My mission about to be accomplished, I was rudely interrupted with loud calls for flip cup to begin.  For those of you who don’t know, this game is truly despised by yours truly.  I don’t have any rational reason for it except that it drives me batshit insane that some people can’t flip a cup onto a table that is coated with beer/water/other liquids.  It’s the world’s easiest drinking game to cheat at.  Hence, why I dislike.  I like my party games to be fair and balanced for all involved at ALL times! Though we had a good time playing, nonetheless.

Who's That Bozo with the Goatee?

Then after being voted off Survivor flip cup, I was able to concentrate on firing the spud launchers.  There were two, one with a larger barrel that was much more sophisticated with a coupler to add gas safely while the other had a screw end that you pumped the gas into as you held the screw end over it.  Needless to say, I gravitated to the screw top cannon.  After enjoying the spud destruction, most of the crew was in favor of a refreshing swim.  I would have called it bracing as we were launching ourselves into the chilly Atlantic but I, as a true Mainer, jumped at the chance to show my manliness.  Allie, showing her usual good sense, passed.

Once losing my manliness after a few breathtaking dives into the icy brine, I knew the party had to warm up and it did.  The evening quickly devolved into more drinks and more tater trashing.  Take a look to the right for the safe way to load and fire a potato cannon.  Read on to find out how not to safely use one.  As I mentioned before, there were two of said launchers.  The one to the left is the safer one where you have very little interaction with the propellant.  The other is loaded much more haphazardly and of course, it began to experience technical difficulties.  The owner of that gun, who shall remain nameless, decided he was going to fix whatever problem it was having and threw caution to the wind.  He unscrewed the back and while looking down the barrel, he pulled the trigger.  The resulting fireball blew him back like a Roger Clemens fastball.  With an exclamation of “WHOA!”, he dropped the cannon with a thud and blinked a few times.  As the party dissolved into laughter, the most intoxicated of us mumbled a curse at his launcher and shambled off.  The potato cannons were quickly abandoned after a group vote on “safety first”.

As darkness fell, the level of intoxication was rising steadily amongst all the members of the party and it was decided that beer die must be played again.  Colby vs Bowdoin, men vs boys, girls vs boys, even old sibling rivalries were fought out on the battlefield.  The non-beer die aficionados, myself included, clamored for a new game and out of the mists of college gone by, we were introduced to a new game.  Dodgebeer.  Simply put, three team members, three ping pong balls, and three beers per side.  Each player throws a ping pong ball and if they hit an opposing team member’s drink, they drink their beer until the ping pong is returned to the hit drink by that team member and the word STOP is shouted.  However, if the opposing team catches the ping pong ball out of the air, the thrower has to tag the catcher while they attempt to drink their beer and avoid the tag.  The first team to finish their beers win.  It was enjoyed by all immensely but hindsight being 20/20, not the best time of the party to introduce.

After a calming bonfire on the rocks followed by the immense undertaking of putting one previously mentioned party goer to bed which included in a dropped inebriate, public urination, partial nudity, general tomfoolery and gibberish, Allie and I gave our good byes and good nights and adjourned to our bed.  I want to thank all the party goers who shall remain nameless to save the innocent and thank you to the Tinsleys and the Mateosians for their hospitality.  We had a lovely time and cannot wait to experience Meat and Potato Cannons 2011.

We here at Incessant Rambling enjoy imparting our opinions, perspective and knowledge with you, our readers. That being said, sometimes it’s good to acknowledge our limits and share with you wisdom from a much greater source.

As IRdC’s resident tech and science nerd, Stephen Hawking has always been an amazing influence for me. But beyond physics and cosmology, Mr. Hawking has plenty to teach each and every one of us. The Telegraph has put together a list of “ten pearls of wisdom“, giving an interesting view into Steven Hawking’s world. I think my favorite is their chosen quote regarding imperfection:

“Without imperfection, you or I would not exist.” - Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking, The Discovery Channel

Today we at IRdC bring you a wonderful article from the Providence Phoenix.  We felt it was a good one to reproduce in it’s entirety on our site.  We couldn’t make these points any better than Phillipe and Jorge.

HONOR THIS!

Let’s see.

Those two professional nitwits, racist loony Glenn Beck and shrieking, delusional, and just plain dumb harridan Sarah Palin, hold a huge rally in D.C. this past weekend entitled “Restoring Honor,” frothing over how Americans have to repo our country and turn it back over to God, who we suspect they presume to be the original owner.

P+J will leave the weighty journalistic questions — whether the crowd amounted to 100,000 religious freaks and Tea Party “Angry Anglos,” as the aerial photos would suggest, or 500,000, as congenital fact distorter Beck claims — to the major TV networks and Rupert Murdoch’s good Germans at Fox News and the Wall Street Journal.

What we would like to know is just what honor is being restored? The honor of wars built on lies in Iraq or an untenable, uninformed and unwinnable effort in Afghanistan, both courtesy of the Bushies? The honor of Gitmo and torture at Abu Ghraib? The honor of lying about the death of Pat Tillman and rescue of Jessica Lynch by Dubya puppeteer Don Rumsfeld and his Pentagon underlings? The honor of totally corrupt and murderous private contractors (say hi, Dick Cheney and Halliburton) who betrayed our troops with corner-cutting service and propaganda-undermining killing of innocent Iraqis? The honor of the shameless buccaneers on Wall Street stealing the money of middle America so the hedge fund managers could upgrade their Mercedes model and pay the mortgage on the house in the Hamptons? The honor of lobbyists who eviscerate environmental regulations to serve the masters in Big Bidness and Big Oil so we end up with catastrophes like the BP spill? The honor of encouraging the clueless and ignorant public to call President Obama a “Nazi” or “Communist” (oops, can’t be both, kiddies, gotta settle on one) instead of “nigger,” which is what they are really thinking?

No, P+J believe the United States has honor in surplus, exhibited by our troops who put their lives on the line daily to try to help people even as they have their legs cut off by their civilian overseers. Honor exhibited in the philanthropy of the majority of Americans toward their less fortunate neighbors — unlike the GOP Party of “No” and their followers. Honor exhibited by those who have their faith and spirituality and don’t try to browbeat people into going along, or wrap themselves in the flag while saying it’s God’s will.

The Founding Fathers were courageous, open-minded and had the wisdom and strength to embrace new ideas that would serve the common weal. The people at the “Restore Honor” rally are scared, fearful, close-minded, naive, and want nothing in their little universes challenged in thought or deed. You got ‘em, Glenn and Sarah. And you can keep ‘em.

Amen brothers.  We couldn’t agree more.  These two lame brain jackasses are the epitome of what’s wrong with our country.  Fear and ignorance rule the day, instead of intelligence and leadership.  The old saying, “You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?”, seems apropos.  Glenn, Sarah, don’t demagogue, lead by example and deed.  And until that day comes, you will remain fools and traitors to the American dream.

Every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I mosey on over to the Far Left Side and see what creator Mike “Lefty” Stanfill has decided to enlighten the masses about that particular day.  As today is Wednesday, I clicked over and found a very interesting and thought provoking cartoon about the Koch brothers, who are two of the largest contributors to the Tea Baggers.

David Koch

Mr. Stanfill also shares an article from the New Yorker that goes into more depth about the Koch brothers.  Take some time and read the article.  It’s pretty scary stuff.  Koch Industries, their company, is the second-largest privately owned company in the US with the brothers having a combined fortune upwards of thirty-five billion dollars.  The Koch brothers are staunch libertarians who believe in drastically lower personal and corporate taxes, minimal social services for the needy, and much less oversight of industry—especially environmental regulation.  Very ironic since they are rated one of the worst air polluters in the country and Greenpeace calls them a “kingpin of climate science denial.”  Sound like any group that is politically active?

As I said before, take some time to read the article.  It’s an in-depth look at the workings of the Tea Bagger movement, a supposed movement by the People that is really being funded by billionaires.  Pass it around and get people reading it as all of America needs to understand the danger and absurdity of this extreme group’s thinking and philosophies.

I know I promised a Part 2 to Football Shenanigans but it’s taking me a bit longer to write than I’d hoped.  Fear not, constant reader, it will be up in the next few days.  Today I’d like to bring your attention to a very interesting article that appeared on Gizmodo.  Hokie has enlightened you on the beauty of craft beer in a can before and now it seems as if the mainstream media is jumping on the IRdC bandwagon.

The article is entitled Canned Beer Is The Future of Good Beer.  It’s a great article that touches on all the major points of why canned beer is better than bottled beer.  It also discusses the challenges that lay in front of any canned beer manufacturer in the forms of consumer and wholesaler resistance to the outdated and false “facts” that have circulated for years about cans.

I have to give credit where credit is due.  I found out about this article from my good friend Luke Livingstone, a fellow beer enthusiast and owner/founder of Baxter Brewing Company.  Check out his company and be ready for his beer to hit stores in Maine sometime this fall/winter.  Enjoy the beer for thought!

Fall comes upon us again and it’s time for every one’s favorite sport, that terrible game called “fools’ balls”.  America is enamored with this violent display of masculinity and toughness.  And to tell a dirty little secret, so do I.  Of course, if you’d been reading my blog since I started you’d already know that.  Welcome to you noobs and welcome back, my constant readers.

The season is due to start in a few weeks and we’re in the midst of exhibition games. Terrible displays of talent but coaches like them to tune up their teams and test out new schemes and looks.  These 4 games are important to coaching staffs and scouts so they can judge and assess where their new acquires and rookies are at in game readiness and allow their vets to start to jell as a squad.  Hence, coaches and their staffs see these four games as crucial to fielding successful teams and evaluating talent.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, the higher ups of football are contemplating expanding the regular season to 18 games instead of the current 16 games.  Not many details have come out about the plan, as I don’t really think it’s much farther along than thawing out the pizza dough prepping for a delicious grilled pie, but there have been two loud rumors moving around.

1. It’ll take away two preseason games and make them regular season games.  The schedule will include another bye week determined by the team’s other bye week.
2. It’ll take place after the lockout…how ever long that lockout is.  This is another bone of contention between the owners and the players.  The owners are for it but players are angry about it.  Simply put, this struggle is about the owners wanting the players to take a pay cut due to the economy.  The players are upset about this plan to expand to 18 games because it’ll bring more money into the teams but the owners aren’t willing to bend on their demands of pay cuts.  I’ll be discussing the lockout in more detail in the coming day.

As I just mentioned, players are opposed to the expansion of the season while their bosses are in favor but one group that has been largely silent are the bosses’ staff, coaches and scouts.  What are those fine men and women thinking? No one has been talking about it so I’ll take the opportunity to step into the gap.

They hate the whole fucking idea.  Why, you ask? Well I’ll tell you.

1. Takes away two opportunities for them to evaluate their players before it counts.  People always make a big deal about how teams look in the pre-season.  They’re correct you can see how PLAYERS look but a team, not very much.  Think about it…every snap, there are new guys on the field on defense and offense.  New running backs, new defensive backs, new linebackers, you get the point.  “But Jake, teams switch players all the time during the regular season,” you might comment.  Correct, but they’ve all MADE a professional football team trying to win a Super Bowl.  They aren’t putting any guys on the field that are in a very public try out.  You ever try out for a sport? You play hard on plays that normally you might play smart instead of hard, you take a chances, and you’re playing with guys you’ve had no time to get comfortable with.  Hence, the team work and team play is poor.  But the coaches can watch to see how their guys react at game speed not practice speed.  They’ll be losing two huge opportunities to evaluate.
2. More regular season games means that their starters will be in more danger of getting injured.  They’ll also be more banged up come playoff run.  Coaches don’t like having to tweak their teams deep in the season.  It drives them batty.
3. But the biggest reason is this…the players are opposed to it.  Vehemently opposed.  So the coaches and staff will have to be dealing with players upset about something that their bosses, the owners, are in love with.  They will be forced to walk a tight rope between the two camps.  They must have the players trust to keep winning and keep their jobs but they also need the trust of the owners to keep their jobs as coaches aren’t a union.  They can be hired and fired very easily.  These guys are in the midst of a bitter labor struggle and they might get caught in no mans land.  That’s the biggest reason they hate the idea.

But we’ll never hear from them.  The coaches and their staffs will keep their heads down and pray to the football gods they don’t get chewed up and spit out by this struggle.  Watching coaches step lightly and their politicking will make for an interesting distraction from the labor issue.  Now if we could just get the owners and players to stop being ignorant rich assholes and sit down and hammer a deal out, we could settle in for another entertaining season of football.  Do I smell a part 2 of Football Shenanigans coming up? Yes, yes you do.  Stayed tuned constant reader for I shall return.

My fellow editor of IRdC, Hokie, as previously mentioned, is moving to Cali with his lovely ladyfriend.  He’s keeping up a running blog over at his other website, thehokie.com.  Check it out and keep track of their progress here.

Check in tomorrow for an official post with plenty of rambling from yours truly.