I spent my entire weekend in an automobile.  That may sound like a wee bit of exaggeration but I beg to differ.  I drove all over the wonderful states of Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, and Massachusetts with a tiny bit of driving in my lovely home state of Maine from Friday at 11 am until Sunday night when I got home at 6:45 pm.  While in Vermont, I spent time in Burlington and then drove back south to meet people in Massachusetts.  We took 89 South to 91 South, which intersects right outside White River Junction.

Right after we merged on 91 S, traffic slowed down to a crawl.  Mind you, this is 9 am on a Saturday in White River Junction, VT, not exactly a hot bed of traffic congestion at 5 pm on a work day, let alone early on a Saturday morning after the Vermont Brewers Fest.  Signs were proclaiming “Stop Ahead” and I remarked to Allie, my much better half, “What is this, Route 1 in Vacationland?”

And these signs weren’t temporary road signs either.  Very permanent looking, official signs.  While I was scratching my head, crawling along at a tortoise’s pace, I glimpsed out of the corner of my eye, a tan SUV with a seal in the middle of the door with black, tinted windows parked in one of the “cop” lanes in the median.  Instantly, I knew what was going on and I mentally thanked myself for not bringing any of my plants with me on my road trip.

“I think it’s a border patrol inspection,” said I.

“All the way down here?” Allie replied incredulously.

She had a very valid point.  By the quickest route, we were about 2 1/2 hours south of the Canadian border and by Route 91S, we were about 3 1/2 hours south of its crossing into Canada.  By this time, we were in a stop and go traffic pattern.  As we drew closer to the rest area/weight station/drug bust center/illegal alien detainment center, I saw that each lane was stopping and conversing with a law enforcement officer, dressed in a natty tan uniform.  Finally, after an interminable wait, it was our turn.

We pulled up and I stared into a face from every hippies’ nightmare.  A short, solid body topped with a neck like a bulls with tiny, beady eyes and nostrils flared as if he was going to charge.

“Good morning,” I opened on a friendly note to avoid permanent incarceration or injury.

“Are you both US citizens?” responded Deputy Dog as he literally spit the question at me.

“Uh…yeah,” I replied perplexed.  “Yes,” echoed Allie from the passenger seat.  As we answered, Sheriff Buford T. Justice quickly scanned the interior of the Forester.

“You’re good to go,” Lieutenant Jim Ron Dangle said with a dismissive wave of the hand.

I pulled away with a muttered “Thanks for wasting my time and I feel so much safer.”  The rest of the trip went well and no more John Q Law were seen.

But seriously, do they think they make our nation any safer by pulling stunts like this? Stopping people and asking them if they’re an American citizen? What kind of brain dead moron would reply with anything but an affirmative? Not only that, these guys were BORDER PATROL, not stand around on Route 91 South outside of White River Junction, 2 1/2 hours from Canada Patrol!!!!!

This kind of stunt usually means that the federal government is in a pissing match with either the Canadian government or with the state government.  VT is currently fighting with the feds about making their daily business that takes place inter-country easier to conduct.  The night before at the Brew Fest two different Canadian brewers’ beer was delayed at the border so they didn’t have beer for the first two hours of the Fest.

So thank you American government for friggin’ up my Saturday morning commute and keeping us safe from those dastardly Canadians and their terrorist beers!